a humble God

On Monday I ended up in Carlsbad around sunset, trying to connect to God. It struck me that morning that I hadn't spent anytime thinking about what Christmas. Usually I am reading a ton of Christmas devotionals. I wasn't caught up in the consumerism but I wasn't paying attention to the symbolism either.

Sometimes I just need to be outside and away from all the things that make life hectic. So I found myself at Carlsbad. Weird I know. I got distracted, couldn't find the right spot, had to pee a million times, and was running out of time to "enjoy" the sunset. Finally I noticed a group of rocks that you could walk out on and basically be on the ocean watching the sunset - ready to pray, meditate, and be "super spiritual."

So here I am, walking across this gorgeous beach, rushing to get to this location. This place I set in my mind that I had to be in order to connect to God. As I'm power walking across the beach I noticed a shell.  It was perfect and I didn't even take the time to be in awe of what God made.

Must keep walking. 

And suddenly it dawned on me. What is my problem? I am rushing to this supposed location to connect to God and missing out on the little gifts right in front of me. So I turned around and picked up the shell as a reminder to not be so caught up in the destination that I miss God along the way.

Life is made up of billions of little moments. I wonder if we miss the best ones because we are obessed with our cell phones and addicted to the busyness. It is normal to be in multiple places at once, always going, constantly "connected", yet never just simply being with God.

Even my time with God is filled with a distracted mind and the feeling that I have to be productive. It's a challenge to let myself get away and break free of the mindset of our culture.

We connect to God where we are at. I forget that. Always thinking I need to be somewhere else rather than where I am.

Christmas means many different things to me. But one of them is God shows up in the most unlikely ways. He came into our world as a baby, lived a life as a human, all to rescue us. Every day lived on this earth was him living out his love for you. Jesus did the unexpected. I pray we don't miss it because we aren't paying attention to life and what really matters.

grace

 
God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.James 4:6
 
God spoke to me tonight through an adorable old lady with 38 years of sobriety. Her long gray hair was beautiful. It made me look forward to the day when I will have gray hair and years of wisdom from living my life with God. She greeted a bunch of people who were in this room for the same reason, we were all looking for transformation. Whether this was a conscious decision or not, for this day we were done looking for the answers in a bottle. So God sent a messenger filled with humor and compassion. She told us "God's grace was always available to me, I just began to access it." It got me thinking.

I've been attempting to read another book by Richard Rohr. My efforts have been thwarted by my love for Harry Potter. Being sick has given me a lot of time to read. You see I really planned on reading about God, but somehow I ended up reading the last 300 pages of the 4th book today. To my defense if you can't see God in Dumbledore something is seriously wrong with you.


A thought that's been on my mind is how humility is required to connect to God in an authentic way. Anyone can talk about God. That's easy. And a lot of damage can come if we are just "talkers" instead of "doers." We've all heard that. People who talk at people in a way that brings judgement instead of love.

Only love can change things. This is not popular. We'd settle for control and rules and before you know it we are just repeating the cycle of the pharisees.

Love is harder to measure. It doesn't always get us noticed, as sometimes it's going last in line or staying behind to clean up. I'm terrible at both. Love isn't prideful so there isn't as much attention- which we crave. When you are following Christ, you are trying to point others to Him instead of you. How hard it is for us humans to let God begin that work of dying to self, riding our ego. It is a painful process and most give up before any real work is done.

I don't blame you. It doesn't always feel good to seek God. God isn't into instant gratification. He does things on His timing which is so not ok with me. It doesn't always feel good. If you are choosing to following this loving God it requires a lot of trust. Because He loves you and wants what is best for you. But, you can't always see it. So there is alot of faith involved. And that could be hard for you if you are use to only trusting yourself.

It always goes back to being an inside job. Nothing out in the world will ever fill that ache in you. It's an inside job. The answers are already there. God is already with you. You must begin to seek truth.

Back to the book I started- Breathing Under Water by Rohr. It is about Christianity and the 12 steps and how they meet. It is all about transformation. It was talking about Step 1- being powerless over alcohol and our lives being unmanageable. When Alcoholics get to the steps they are out of ideas- done running on their own source, and willing to be open to a source that is greater than ourselves. This is the gift of desperation.

Rohr brought up the point that we are addicted to our way of thinking. But we don't always bottom out with that. So there is no change. No "need" for transformation. So we are stuck with our way of doing things when God is offering us a life beyond what we imagined.

When I think about a grace that was always there, I look back and I can see it. When i reached out it carried me. When I didn't reach out, it found a way to me anyways. God's grace was always there. Only when I was desperate could I grab hold of it.

The grace humbles you and changes you. As the speaker said, "Life doesn't get better- it's still life- it gets different." Your circumstances may not change, you will still lose people you never want to let go of, and life keeps happening. But, God will do the impossible. Slowly, all these days of surrendering add up. He is turning you into a new person. This grace is changing me. Grace heals me and sets me free.

This is available to all who seek. God's love is for everyone. He just doesn't work the way the world does so sometimes we don't recognize it. It is the humble, small voice inside your soul while the world yells and screams at you. Be quiet. Be still. Listen. God may be speaking to you in a little old lady, or a child. Who knows. Just be open to what He wants to show you. The last thing the woman left us was a prayer that is absolutely life changing.

"God, please  have people treat me tomorrow how I treated everyone today." Wow.

Tonight what I was reminded of was to be grateful. There is lots to be thankful for. How amazing is it that God works in our lives like this. 

    Delight yourselves in God, yes, find your joy in him at all times. Have a reputation for gentleness, and never forget the nearness of your Lord.
    Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.
    Here is a last piece of advice. If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on the things which are holy and right and pure and beautiful and good. Model your conduct on what you have learned from me, on what I have told you and shown you, and you will find the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9