heart

When I got to work this past Tuesday Ian (8 year old boy I nanny) was extremely excited to see me. This is unusual. He is in the phase where he plays it cool & pretends he doesn’t like me. At least I hope he’s pretending. This Tuesday there was no pretending. He had a huge smile on his face. He got me one of those adapters that hook up your IPOD to play music in the car. When I say he got it for me what I mean is that he stole it from his parents. This is the second one he has stolen because the first one didn’t work. The kid is persistent. 

He is so cute. He had clearly been waiting all weekend to show me. How thoughtful is this… He is 8!!! We went out to my car so he could set it up & test it out.

It jammed. Not just jammed, broke my radio all together. Immediately he turned to me with puppy dog eyes. It was obvious he felt terrible. So, I said,

“Ian, it’s ok, I know you were trying to do something kind for me. I am not upset at all.”

Jesus gives us a call to become like little children. Little ones frequently mess up, but they know they are loved. I felt a peace wash over me as I realized Jesus says the same thing to me. I have one more week of Young Life club. This is my first year as team leader. It has been filled with mistakes.

“Megan, It’s ok, I know you were trying to do something kind for me. I am not upset at all.”

I love the story of the widow’s offering in Mark 12. It brings to life this truth I am writing about.

Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins.

 Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.”

Mark 12:41-44

Jesus is more concerned with our heart than what we are doing or giving. He wants our actions to flow out of our heart, not to be about appearances. He loves a genuine person. Children believe you when you love a gift they give, no matter how small. It is adults who are haunted by the feeling of not being good enough. Jesus always measures by the heart. It is the world is concerned with numbers & results.

What is your offering? 

Maybe you are a great listener. You discredit your gift because our culture puts so much pressure on things being a big deal & noticeable. Those things only matter if they draw attention. We rarely value the hidden, simple things. We secretly are craving human approval instead of God’s approval. So no one notices your gift and your heart. Maybe you feel unimportant. Maybe you feel like your gift doesn’t matter unless you get the applause. Before you know it you are living for others instead of God. (As Beth Moore would say, is this too honest? Is this just me?)

Yet Jesus is filled with joy as you listen to one of His hurting children who just need to be heard & know they are not alone. Your gifts are powerful. My gifts are powerful. But, if we get caught up in comparison or people pleasing we may rob ourselves and others of the light, healing, beauty, and truth that lives inside of each of us. God created you & I know He made each of us this way. You can’t say you don’t have it. Maybe you haven’t discovered your “offering” but it is there. He can use you in a way He can use no one else.

Learn to live like a child. Trust that your Father is overwhelmed with joy when you give what you feel like is a little when you give it with all of your heart. Rely on grace. Be brave like an 8 year old. Give. Here is your permission to make mistakes. The only true mistake we make is living in fear & not being who we really are. Don’t let fear hold you back from your offerings. What is your gift?

This past year in trying to live out my offering I have faced lots of trials & insecurities. There is this beautiful passage in one of Brennan’s books, and I have clung to it on some of my most challenging days where I just wanted to give up. The book is called: A glimpse of Jesus, Stranger to self-hatred. This passage is a letter one of his friends challenged him with…

"Do you ever reflect upon the fact that Jesus feels proud of you? Proud that you accepted the faith which he offered you? Proud that after he chose you, you chose him for a friend and Lord? Proud that you haven’t given up? Proud that you believe in him enough to try again and again? Proud that you trust that he can help you? Do you ever think that Jesus appreciates you for wanting him, for wanting to say no to so many things that would separate you from him? Do you ever think that Jesus is grateful to you for pausing to smile and comfort one of his children who has a great need to see a smile, to feel a touch? Do you ever think of Jesus being grateful to you for learning more about him so that you can speak to others more deeply and truly about him? Do you ever think that Jesus can be angry or disappointed in you for not believing that he has forgiven you totally? 

Jesus said, “I do not call you servants, but friends…” Therefore, there is the possibility of every feeling and emotion which can exist between friends to exist here and now between Jesus and you."

(obviously can't get off pintrest, i will regret this when I work at 7am tomorrow)

Book Review: In the Name of Jesus

I am always reading. It is one of my favorite things to do. I wanted to put on my blog some of the books I read & my thoughts on them. I just re-read "In the name of Jesus" by Henri Nouwen. WHAT A GEM! So much wisdom is packed into this tiny book. His raw honesty is so easy to connect to. He talks about the struggles and temptations in leadership. 

He brings us back to the heart of ministry- Jesus asking Peter 3 times: "Do you love Me?" and then telling him to feed His sheep. He reminds us to stay in this love of God. He is so transparent about the temptations in ministry to try to control rather than love, be relevant instead of vulnerable, and to be self-serving instead of serving the Lord. 

I could read this book once a month & not get sick of it. It is probably my favorite book I've ever read on leadership. It is very real. He talks about the hopes of leadership yet the reality of how our brokenness gets in the way.

He talks about the need for us to be disciplined to listen to that soft, gentle, and loving voice of God in our very loud world.

The reason Henri's writing is so powerful is because he is so honest. He is a very humble man, and that is why the Lord is able to use Him is such amazing ways. His humility amazes me. He knows he is too broken but that all He has to do is simply show up and Jesus will do the rest. 

What a powerful testimony to how God can use us NO MATTER WHAT! No matter who we are or what we are currently struggling with. Henri always struggled but never gave up because he knew the Love that would never give up on him.  :)


Highlights from the book:

• "The great message that we have to carry, as ministers of God's word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life." Pg 30
  
• "Are you in love with Jesus? Perhaps another way of putting the question would be: Do you know the incarnate God? In our world of loneliness and despair, there is an enormous need for men and woman who know the heart of God, a heart that forgives, cares, reaches out and wants to heal. In that heart there is no suspicion, no vindictiveness, no resentment, and not a tinge of hatred. It is a heart that wants only to give love and receive love in response. It is a heart that suffers immensely because it sees the magnitude of human pain and the great resistance to trusting the heart of God who wants to offer consolation and hope." Pg 37-38
  
• "I have found over and over again how hard it is to be truly faithful to Jesus when I am alone. I need my brothers or sister to pray with me, to speak with me about the spiritual task at hand, and to challenge me to stay pure in mind,heart, and body. But far more importantly, it is Jesus who heals; not I; Jesus who speaks words of truth; not I; Jesus who is Lord; not I. This is very clearly made visible when we proclaim the redeeming power of God together. Indeed, whenever we minister together, it is easier for people to recognize that we do not come in our own name, but in the name of the Lord Jesus who sent us." Pg 58-59
  
• "Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life.
  We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God." Pg 61-62
  
• "The task of the future Christian leaders is not to make a little contribution to the soltuion of the pains and tribulations of their time, but to identify and announce the ways in which Jesus is leading God's people out of slavery, through the desert to a new land of freedom." Pg 87

2013 so far (reminders)

You know that feeling you get right before January? The excitement you feel as you try to decide on a resolution. Or for me resolutions. I think New Years brings to light the fact that we are all dying to be made new. Well this past year I shared at Sanctuary about how I believe this is exactly what Jesus offers us every day.

I wanted to cancel New Years Resolutions in order to create New Year Reminders. I mean I don't know how long of a tradition the whole resolutions thing is... but seriously, how defeating. Let's end that whole thing. Resolutions seem to demand perfection. Like ok now I work out and eat vegetables.. I mean it's May, are you still at the gym every day? 

On the other hand, I don't know what makes me think I have the power to cancel this tradition. I'm a crazy person.

There's a reason I'm writing this. I believe in reminders not resolutions. Maybe I'm getting hung up on words, possible. I over think things.

Well anyways, I like the concepts of reminders. I need to be reminded each day of how loved I am by God. I really do forget. I get distracted and before you know it I am doing things my way again, talking about God but not really walking with Him. Running around like a little monster trying to control things. I needed to be reminded of His truths again and again.

I wrote a list of reminders and I have them taped next to my bed so I can see them every morning when I wake up. There are a few quotes (one tree hill quotes of course... judge me, it's inspiring) And instead of a ton of resolutions I never kept, I have reminders. Because I know I fail. But as Brennan says, failure can't be an excuse to quit trying. I love that Jesus is so concerned with the conditions of our hearts. I love that he never gets sick of me & that He promises to never give up on me. I am a work in progress to put it a nicely. A mess. His love never gives up. I love that I'm not stuck with me- my craziness, my dysfunction. I have someone who can fix the broken parts of me.

Despite a lot of difficulty 2013 has been one of the best years of my life because of God. I wish I could put into words all that has happened. I feel free for the first time and my life. After so much of God's healing in my life forgiveness is finally a reality for me. God keeps showing up in my life as I keep showing up asking Him to work in it. Parts of me that I didn't think would ever heal are healing. I have been very intentional with my reminders & I'm in awe of what God has done.

It is amazing what He can do with the little we give Him. If you are reading this I ask you to remember that feeling you have January 1st. You know it is a chance to start over. You know it can be whatever you want it to be. Jesus is asking us to come to Him, now exactly where we are in life, with all our flaws & all our brokenness. I love that. We come to God as we are. No need to play pretend with Him, we can be our real self. He loves us with all our mixed motives and ugly parts we hope no one can see. He works with us patiently in our lives. His love will heal you. (That is one of my reminders.) Let Him heal you and guide you in the rest of this year. Each day is a chance to be new. Jesus thank You for giving us that. 


What do you need healing from? 
What are you running to that keeps you from God? Let's give up these vices that are cheap imitations of God's love.   
What are the crazy things your head tells you? What are the lies that run your life, that feeling of not being good enough that haunts you. Maybe feeling unwanted.
Or maybe there is something you really want to do that fear always holds you back from. A dream you have but you never take the action with it. 

Today can be the day where you become new again. It won't be easy, but nothing that is worth it is. God promises to never leave us & His love is a patient love that will never give up on you. Trust Him & things will change. 

“For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self.” Thomas Merton

& Maybe the only reason you read this was to be reminded that God really does love you exactly as you are. (I need to hear that one a lot) 

throwing stones

Today I was reading this new book. It is rare that I branch out from my beloved authors. BUT I was feeling brave today. 

I started reading this book about youth ministry. As a young life leader this obviously interests me. I thought some of the ideas were obvious. The rest of what I read was refreshing and brought me back to the heart of what I do. I was really enjoying it.

Then I see he started to mention Young Life. I was so excited..... I thought they were going to say how we practice what he was talking about because I felt like we were on the same page. My heart was in line with everything he had previously said. The book quickly began bashing Young Life as a whole. (This is why I don't branch out... Henri or Brennan would never do this.)

Well I was enraged because I love my kids and OF COURSE I want them to know Jesus. No brainer. The book was implying otherwise. It used words like never. (I added in the margin not true ha, oh I showed him.)

I prayed and said God is this true of Young Life. Show me the truth. What would make this man write this? I knew he was wrong, but wanted to bring it before God to see if there was any truth to what he said. 

You can't label every leader in a huge organization. It's easy to throw stones from afar. It was heart breaking for me to read and very discouraging. That someone is writing a book to connect me & my kids to Jesus- yet, discrediting the ministry I'm involved with. WHAT?! I know he has a good heart & probably didn't realize how potentially harmful his words could be, but it totally bummed me out.

BUT I do this too. I'm just as guilty. I judge those super-churches and label them as I see them. There is denominations I'm not a fan of. How terrible. I have no problem making fun of them. 

We are on the same team people. It may look different. At the end of the day though we all want to love God & love people then why does it matter what church you go to. Jesus is all that matters & He speaks to us in different ways. I realized my little remarks could hurt someone who was truly trying to serve the Lord by labeling a church. You can never judge a person by such a huge organization. We are not God, we do not know people's hearts & are called not to judge. That is up to God. Each church and ministry has amazing people and people who are ... uhhh... not so amazing because it's life & it's messy. It is not black and white. We live in the gray.

As Christians we should be working together not tearing each other down. I was really sad to read this in my book, but even more sad to know I do it too. I'm apart of the problem. 

I'm sure we all have people we just think are wrong. (Other religions, politics, whatever it may be). It's human nature. I challenge you to look beyond the labels and see the hearts. 

Let's be careful with our words. Let's use our words & lives to bring unity in the church & our communities. Let us realize how quickly our words can bring disunity. You can't take back the things you say. Let's use our words to build each other up instead of tearing others down.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? 

Any comfort from his love? 

Any fellowship together in the Spirit? 

Are your hearts tender and compassionate?   

Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 

Philippians 2:1-2

Pruning Process

thoughts inspired from John 15:1-17

This weekend we had a chance to fund-raise for Young Life camp at a ranch. While the boys worked on moving bricks, one of my girls & I pruned flowers. Hard work ;)

Pruning is just cutting away the dead parts. The whole time I was pruning flowers I was thinking about John 15 how Jesus says he prunes us. Katrina was telling me that if you don’t cut off the dead parts the whole pant focuses so much on trying to bring it back to life that it goes into survival mode. When the plants are in survival mode it doesn’t allow other flowers to grow. You end up with a bush with a lot of dead flowers that need to be cut away. The plant needs a Gardner to come remove the dead parts. Pruning is key in keeping the plants healthy. 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."  John 15:1-4

 The Gardner needs to actively be working on the plants to keep them alive. Can't you see why Jesus is telling us this? Do I want God cutting things out of my life? Of course not. It's a painful process. You are naked before him without all this dead stuff covering up who you really are. You have to wait for the new flowers to grow. We have to invite God to be apart of our whole lives, not just the parts we feel comfortable offering up to Him. That may be why the verses repeatedly says remain in Me.

We have to trust that the Gardner knows what He is doing as He prunes things out of our lives. We need to stop working so hard to protect our dead parts so God can allow something new & beautiful to grow. It is hard to let go of these things that have been apart of us for so long. It is hard to accept the loss. There is no denying these truths. God is with us in the midst of all this pruning process. It is up to us to remain in Him.

I believe with everything I am that when we offer ourselves up to the Gardner to do whatever He wants with our lives something new will grow. I believe it will be something better than what we were so desperately trying to protect. The only way we can experience this resurrection is to let him crucify these things in us. 

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Do not let fear hold you back. Never in the bible does God say do not be sad or do not be happy. Jesus is with us in our pain as we let go of the things that need to die in us. He walks through the loss with us. He celebrates with us as we find new life. But 365 times the bible says do not fear. (That number is an aprx. I've found on multiple websites) 365 times. I think God was trying to make a point by telling us the same thing over and over. Feel your feelings: anger, depression, joy, peace, heartbreak. Whatever it is. All of it. But as followers of Jesus we have nothing to fear. 

Quite simply, we have all we need. I heard in a meeting recently that we are like millionaires begging for money not knowing we already have all we need.  So my friends, I challenge you as I take this challenge myself to surrender to our loving God. Do not let fear of the unknown stop you from going where God wants to take you. Let's no longer be paralyzed by fear of letting go. Fear will not consume us, God will. I pray you & I can grow more and more in trust and that fear won't run our lives.

Seek the Lord while you can find him.
    Call on him now while he is near. 

 Let the wicked change their ways
    and banish the very thought of doing wrong.
Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them.
    Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

 Isaiah 55:6-9

 

alONENESS

We spend so much of our lives avoiding this very simple truth:

you are alone.

We stay busy, fill our lives with codependent relationships, do everything in excess to hide the emptiness of our souls. 

But, if we can manage to stop running from ourselves with this constant doing, and start being, I believe this leads us to a liberating truth...

Because once we accept the fact that we are alone we are free to love. Co-dependence is not love, it is need. Need is selfish, while love is always self-sacrificing. 

God created our hearts with our place only His love can fill. Let's not settle for anything less. Our generation (I realize I sound like a grandma with the amount of times per week I say this generation.) relies on instant gratification. I am all about instant gratification. I mean I am a human. BUT as wonderful as all these advancements are it can be terrible at times because it is making it harder and harder for us to wait on the Lord.

Which brings me to my next thought- loving God & trusting God go hand and hand for me. This may be the biggest challenge of our short little lives... to trust God's love is always with you. Your trust (I consider faith trust) will be tested daily as you are continually confronted with the evils of this world. Why does it have to be this way? To be honest, I don't know. I could give you some Christian BS but I don't know, but what I do know is this: God is trustworthy.   

We have to learn to trust God is good in the face of tragedy and questions that may not get answered on this side of things. Why am writing about two different things? Well my mind wanders a lot but that's not it. It's because I think when you truly trust God you are free to face the fact that you are alone on this Earth. People will love you with all they are, as you will love too. But, at the end of the day the most important relationship in your life will always be your relationship with God. When you find this, and find His love, you are free to face this "alone-ness" and turn it into Oneness with Him. 

His love is the only perfect love in this world. He loves you at your worst state, when you are neediest and broken. He loves you at your best, so proud of how far you've come, and how hard you are trying to seek Him. BUT His love is never based on what you do, it's based on who you are... His child.  You can't lose it or make it grow. His love is already yours.