nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Our writing teacher Jim frequently tells us that. That is what writing is to me… venturing out into the unknown, chasing a dream regardless of the fears inside my heart. For this class we are required to turn in 8-12 pages of writing for a book every 3 weeks. Tonight I turned in my first submission.

Let’s go back to yesterday. Yesterday I was a mess. My mind was telling me to drop the class. Seems extreme, but of course that was my thought process. That way I wouldn’t have to face the 27 students telling me my work was no good and that I have no hope of being a writer. That the words I poured my heart into had no power to make this world a better place. So naturally I cried and debated in my mind what to do.

I sent my submission to the printing company last night. When I went to pick it up today there was a note on it that read, “Your story is going to touch a lot of hearts. Can’t wait to read the rest.”  Again, tears. A little encouragement to help me conjure up to the bravery to turn it in.

This is something I’ve wanted to do for years now. But, it is so scary that I’ve always held back. I haven’t stuck with it. There is so much discipline involved with it, way more than I would have expected. But, at the beginning of the year I made a commitment to myself to write. It wasn’t for anyone else,  it was for me. When I write I find God. It’s how I worship Him. I find healing. I find peace in a way I’ve never experienced otherwise. It’s my way of processing life. I can’t live without it. 

I think we all have unique gifts and talents that are ours to explore. It will be our way of getting through the hardships and really treasuring the joy along the way. Some people find it in music, sports, whatever. For me it’s writing. We won’t start out perfect which is terrible news for a perfectionist like me. 

I will be critiqued by my whole class in 2 weeks. I have this terrible two week waiting period. I have to let go. My submission is out there. There is no going back.

It would have been so much easier to have not opened myself up to the rejection. It would have been safe and comfortable. I would avoid the potential hurt. We don’t usually choose to pursue change. 

If I did that I would have robbed myself of the chance to grow.  I would have been a lesser version of who I know God has made me to be. It doesn’t mean the other students won’t say my writing is crap. It doesn’t mean that I won’t experience rejection. It means I have a choice to let the opinions of others hold me back from creating a life I want to live or letting God’s love be enough. If everyone hates it I can find my validation in my relationship with the Lord. That is the only thing that gave me the strength as I prayerfully handed in my work ignoring my stomach ache from the nerves & the voice that was saying don't turn it in. 

We judge ourselves so much by the rejection of others. Yet, JK Rowling was rejected 12 times before Harry Potter was picked up by a publishing agency. (I am only on book 3 and havn’t seen the movies- no spoilers please!!) Imagine if she was discouraged by the first rejection, or the second… or the 7^th… Imagine if she gave up. No, she believed in herself. You have to. Your worth doesn’t come from other people thinking you are good enough.

We can’t let rejection stop us. We have to use it as a chance to make us grow into more of the people we really want to be, the people we are called to be. 

Stephen King had many rejection letters as well. He only has like what 50 best sellers? That is not the point. It's not the success I admire, but their courage to ignore the world telling them they should give up. They kept writing.

I am making a commitment to keep writing. No matter what I am told by the other students. Even if the critiques say I am terrible I will stay with it. I will learn. I will grow. I may have to start out really poorly and work really really hard to get better.

Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t sell yourself short of the life God has in store for you because of that nagging little voice that says you are not good enough. That voice is a lie. You are good enough simply because God’s love is all we need for our validation. No good opinions or bad ones changes anything about who we are. It will always be scary, but it is so much better than being comfortable.

I have two weeks of waiting. I can live with anxiety or let go and work on my writing each day.  

What do you really want to do with your life? Is fear holding you back in any way? Life is too short for that crap. 

Nothing ventured, Nothing gained.