mustard seeds

"Nobody goes to church because they're perfect. If you've got it all together, you don't need to go. You can go jogging with all the other perfect people on Sunday morning. Every time you go to church, you're confessing again to yourself, to your family, to the people you pass on the way there, to the people who will greet you there, that you don't have it all together. And that you need their support. You need their direction. You need some accountability. You need some help." -- R. Mullins

^31-32 Then he put another parable before them: “the kingdom of Heaven is like a tiny grain of mustard-seed which a man took and sowed in his field. As a seed it is the smallest of them all, but it grows to be the biggest of all plants. It becomes a tree, big enough for birds to come and nest in its branches.” Matthew 13:31-32 Phillips Translation

It’s a mustard seed. Things don’t change overnight. They GROW! God will heal you day by day as you go to Him. Last night I was reminded of how far God has brought me. I am convinced if He can change my life He can change ANYONES. First of all, I didn’t believe in Him. That was really holding me back haha. And secondly, I was so broken that things seemed hopeless. Everything was falling apart in my life, including myself. This was 5 years ago now. 

I can’t believe how time flies. I haven’t been to the effect in years. Last night my heart was heavy because I was missing Jeff who recently passed away. He was my pastor at the effect so I just wanted to be there. Now for my first year or maybe two there Jeff prayed for me every single week. So I show up this Tuesday not knowing a single person (at first all my friends were late-typical.) I saw the same leaders who show up week after week to keep serving God and pass along some hope to those of us who so badly need it. Somehow they ended up asking me to be one of the people to pray with the woman who came to worship that night. I got to pray with someone else. I knew Pastor Jeff would have been so proud. I hope he somehow was able to see from heaven. I don't know how all that works.

Now that might not sound like a big deal to you, but if you knew the person I was when I came to the effect you would know what a miracle it was. I used to be terrified to even walk up there and ask for prayer. It was literally this debate in my head working up the courage to even walk up there & ask. It was all so new to me that it was completely terrifying for a ton of different reasons. Now I was able to pray for someone else. 5 years. I am a different person. What God can do with 5 years is beyond me. All we do is bring Him our days, and the days start adding up of us seeking something Holy, and in the midst of it all we are being transformed.

None of this happened because of something special I did. I’ve just learned we go to God no matter what. Even if our prayers are simply “God I don’t want you right now.” “God I don’t trust you.” God loves our honest prayers no matter how “incorrect” they may seem. He can completely transform any situation. Keep showing up. Stay with people seeking out the same things. Pray. Never stop praying. It all started with me praying every day for God to reveal himself to me when I didn’t believe.

I write this because none of this seemed possible for me. This life was beyond my reach. I thought fear, insecurity, and pain would always consume me. God has set me free. I write this hoping that you get to experience what I have and what I keep experiencing as I still have some ways to go.I am not the little girl I was when I found the effect all those years ago.

It is a mustard seed. It grows. Don’t expect everything to get better overnight. God doesn’t work on the human terms of instant gratification. God works in a much better way, truly healing us. He cares so much about you and me. It's a relationship we get to have with Him. So if you are stuck in some situation you can’t get out- whether it is a bad relationship, fear, depression, insecurity, self hatred, alcohol abuse….whatever. I’m not saying all the problems go away. It’s still life. Life can be very hard at times. I hate when people deny that because the bible doesn’t deny that. But, in the midst of all that we can find something beautiful. We can find healing we never thought was possible. God is always there to make us new.

Our circumstances may not change but God will give you an incredible gift, a changed heart. I hope & pray you can awaken to the God who loves you more than you could ever know. There are amazing communities around us there to help us find this new life God has to offer.

Remember what Jesus said, the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed. The smallest of all seeds but it grows to be the biggest of all plants. So if all you have is a little tiny bit of hope, or a little tiny bit of faith… or willingness to seek God, that is enough. 

Don't let fear hold you back and let you miss out on the life God has planned for you. It is way better than anything you could have planned for yourself. I promise you that. I can tell you all the faith I had was about the size of a mustard seed. It was tiny. Microscopic. The fear & pain were a lot bigger than the faith I had at the time, but you don't need to rely on your own strength to change things but on God's.

"Sometimes in the heat of the toil of my labor I give in to fits of selfish rage - frustration more over my lack of skill than over my apartment's progress. But late at night when I look over the piles of dust and dry wall and knee-deep debris that remain during this reconstructive effort, I am strangely moved by the place and I proclaim the gospel to it softly. I say, 'I know how it hurts to be torn up. I am often choked on the litter left by my own remodeling. I know what it's like to settle (by the grave act of a strong will) into the despair of believing that you are wasted space. I have felt the blows of heavy hammers that nailed me to a sense of uselessness. I have been shaped by some pretty careless workers who came to the task of making me and lacked any craftsmanship or artistry. I know the pain of wanting to be changed and yet being distrustful of changes, of wanting to be worked on, but being suspicious of the intentions of the Worker. But here is some good news: He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. However messy it may be now, however confusing and scary it appears, however endless the task may seem, we will some day be glorious, beautiful, alive! There is much tearing out to do - a lot to give up. No thin coat of new paint, no shallow, petty piety will do. It's not good enough to cover up imperfection, it must be corrected. Art, beauty, function - these things take time. They may take till the day of Christ Jesus.'" -- R. Mullins

PS I am so thankful for the church that showed me the love of Christ in such a way that compelled me to keep showing up before I believed. Sanctuary and the Effect gave me the gift of hope & my life is different because of it. I love you guys! I now know church doesn't have to be a bad thing ;) It was so nice to be HOME last night.