joshua tree part 1

This past weekend a few of us from Sanctuary went to Joshua Tree on a trip where Wilson challenged our us in our beliefs and how we see God and life. Something that happens in any conversations you have with him. Recently I read (in Everything Belongs by Richard Rohr) that spirituality is not just about learning, as it is about un-learning as well. We have heard about God, but what prevents us from living it out is all these lies we’ve believed for the years before finding him. That we must rely on ourselves, surrender is weakness, we’re not good enough… whatever lie you believe.

The weekend was to include rock climbing, solitude, and time with some of my favorite people. I was so excited, except for the rock climbing part- I had no intention of doing that. 

I went up late with Joelle. Of course we got lost for two hours on the same damn road and no one came to look for us. I have no idea why I am so fond of these people who don’t even search for me when I’m lost. (Where is the love of God Pastor Bz?) 

Getting to Joshua Tree late made it so I wouldn’t have to climb. I enjoy the bouldering but no way are you going to strap me into a harness and hold me up with some rope. (Knotts tied by gare... another reason id avoid it) So I carefully evaded the rock climbing part. 

Until the next day, apparently we were climbing again. I was going to avoid it… sat there reading my new book by Richard Rohr (That I’m in love with!!!) and he’s talking about how if our prayer life doesn’t push us outside our comfort zones are we really following Jesus? I couldn’t sit and read and miss out on an opportunity to push past a fear and experience something new in life.

For a somewhat normal person rock climbing is fun. But for a fear filled crazy little ragamuffin it did not seem "fun". I was crying before I even got off the ground. I don’t trust. I told Wilson all this and he told me, “I’m not a human, I’m a ragamuffin, you trust ragamuffins don’t you?”

He knew my weakness- a love for ragamuffins. He got me. Fine. I’ll try it.

  

 

Naturally I wanted to get mad at myself for not climbing up all the way. I'm a perfectionist to my core. Words from my teacher Jim were running through my head. “You can’t compare yourself to others, you must compare yourself to yourself.” The advice he’s given me on writing has been advice that has spilled over into all areas of life. I could chose attempting to be perfect or resting in grace for myself.  This was my chance to practice a new perception. When I changed my outlook I could be amazed that I even got up, no matter how scared I was. I simply took the opposite action, prayed, and occasionally dropped an f bomb. Which is sometimes all you can do.

The worse part was getting down. If you aren’t familiar with repelling it is absolutely terrible. You go against all natural instinct and lean away from the rock you so desperately want to cling to. You trust. It was a real life parable. There is so much we want to hold onto that we know we need to let go of. This is only possible where there is trust. 

When I got to the ground I asked Wilson, “What do you do if for your whole life you have just trusted yourself?” He said, “You have to change your paradigm- the way you see the world.”

“and how do I do that?”

He told me, “By doing things like this, it challenges the lies you believe, your paradigm.” This is how we move more and more into God. We trust what he says when our minds say otherwise. We listen, surrender, obey. Each time we will experience more and more freedom.  

Wilson was a reflection on how God is with me. Completely devoted to me in that moment and helping me walk through my fears with love changing my broken paradigm.  

Why do I try to do things on my own when I have God?

Learning to trust God will come through our experiences of actually trying it.  Even when we are trembling with fear. Challenge your own paradigm. 

 All we can do is take the next step, and stay in the moment. Is God taking you somewhere that terrifies you? Can you learn to trust Him instead of relying on self? It will go against everything of our individualistic culture but it is how we experience God.

A lot of times the thing I fear the most is what I love the most: writing. So for today I'll write and leave it up to God where it takes me. 

I'm thankful for everyone for this trip. You all show me God in different ways. Love you