joshua tree part 1

This past weekend a few of us from Sanctuary went to Joshua Tree on a trip where Wilson challenged our us in our beliefs and how we see God and life. Something that happens in any conversations you have with him. Recently I read (in Everything Belongs by Richard Rohr) that spirituality is not just about learning, as it is about un-learning as well. We have heard about God, but what prevents us from living it out is all these lies we’ve believed for the years before finding him. That we must rely on ourselves, surrender is weakness, we’re not good enough… whatever lie you believe.

The weekend was to include rock climbing, solitude, and time with some of my favorite people. I was so excited, except for the rock climbing part- I had no intention of doing that. 

I went up late with Joelle. Of course we got lost for two hours on the same damn road and no one came to look for us. I have no idea why I am so fond of these people who don’t even search for me when I’m lost. (Where is the love of God Pastor Bz?) 

Getting to Joshua Tree late made it so I wouldn’t have to climb. I enjoy the bouldering but no way are you going to strap me into a harness and hold me up with some rope. (Knotts tied by gare... another reason id avoid it) So I carefully evaded the rock climbing part. 

Until the next day, apparently we were climbing again. I was going to avoid it… sat there reading my new book by Richard Rohr (That I’m in love with!!!) and he’s talking about how if our prayer life doesn’t push us outside our comfort zones are we really following Jesus? I couldn’t sit and read and miss out on an opportunity to push past a fear and experience something new in life.

For a somewhat normal person rock climbing is fun. But for a fear filled crazy little ragamuffin it did not seem "fun". I was crying before I even got off the ground. I don’t trust. I told Wilson all this and he told me, “I’m not a human, I’m a ragamuffin, you trust ragamuffins don’t you?”

He knew my weakness- a love for ragamuffins. He got me. Fine. I’ll try it.

  

 

Naturally I wanted to get mad at myself for not climbing up all the way. I'm a perfectionist to my core. Words from my teacher Jim were running through my head. “You can’t compare yourself to others, you must compare yourself to yourself.” The advice he’s given me on writing has been advice that has spilled over into all areas of life. I could chose attempting to be perfect or resting in grace for myself.  This was my chance to practice a new perception. When I changed my outlook I could be amazed that I even got up, no matter how scared I was. I simply took the opposite action, prayed, and occasionally dropped an f bomb. Which is sometimes all you can do.

The worse part was getting down. If you aren’t familiar with repelling it is absolutely terrible. You go against all natural instinct and lean away from the rock you so desperately want to cling to. You trust. It was a real life parable. There is so much we want to hold onto that we know we need to let go of. This is only possible where there is trust. 

When I got to the ground I asked Wilson, “What do you do if for your whole life you have just trusted yourself?” He said, “You have to change your paradigm- the way you see the world.”

“and how do I do that?”

He told me, “By doing things like this, it challenges the lies you believe, your paradigm.” This is how we move more and more into God. We trust what he says when our minds say otherwise. We listen, surrender, obey. Each time we will experience more and more freedom.  

Wilson was a reflection on how God is with me. Completely devoted to me in that moment and helping me walk through my fears with love changing my broken paradigm.  

Why do I try to do things on my own when I have God?

Learning to trust God will come through our experiences of actually trying it.  Even when we are trembling with fear. Challenge your own paradigm. 

 All we can do is take the next step, and stay in the moment. Is God taking you somewhere that terrifies you? Can you learn to trust Him instead of relying on self? It will go against everything of our individualistic culture but it is how we experience God.

A lot of times the thing I fear the most is what I love the most: writing. So for today I'll write and leave it up to God where it takes me. 

I'm thankful for everyone for this trip. You all show me God in different ways. Love you

Book Releases!

October 29th Anne Lamott's new book Stitches: A handbook on Meaning, Hope, and Repair  comes out
November 5th The Prodigal: A Ragamuffin Story by Brennan Manning (co written by Greg Garrett) comes out- his last book. A fictional story. I just found out yesterday.
And a Ragamuffin bible with devotionals from his work. (NIV Ragamuffin Bible: Meditations for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Brokenhearted)

I can't wait!!! Seriously. I'm dying.
Reviews will be posted shortly after ;)

Rejecting Jesus

Jesus left that part of the country and returned with his disciples to Nazareth, his hometown.  The next Sabbath he began teaching in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. They asked, “Where did he get all this wisdom and the power to perform such miracles?”  Then they scoffed, “He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon. And his sisters live right here among us.” They were deeply offended and refused to believe in him.

 Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.”  And because of their unbelief, he couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place his hands on a few sick people and heal them.  And he was amazed at their unbelief.

Mark 6:1-6

 

A lot of time I think it's easy for us to blame God. If God is good why...

-is there pain?
-is there world hunger?
-do we have to experience death?
-doesn't he stop and intervene?

You know the normal doubts I'm sure we've all battled. If you haven't I might be concerned... "He who does not weep does not see." How do we make sense of the harsh realities of life? Jesus is the most important thing in my life and I love him so much, but I still find myself hung up on all the hurt around me.

I'm not by any means saying I have answers. I don't even know if they are out there, because I'm pretty sure a God that makes complete sense to us would cease being God. Just like we'll never completely understand His love. There are alot of mysteries but we get to grow in trust. 

When I read about the people's unbelief it make me stop to think. This part of the bible shows how truly important our choices are. They impact the way God can or can't work in our lives. 

Maybe these people were too familiar with Jesus. He was from their hometown. Maybe we are too use to hearing about this God. We don't take into account what He can actually do in our lives. 

I know this is true because of my prayers when I didn't know God. I was so desperate for God to be real but I couldn't trust Him. Every day I would pray, as my ex sponsor Ren directed me, "God, if you are real reveal yourself to me."

He has answered that prayer. I think sometimes we sell ourselves short. Jesus was still able to heal a few sick people but he could have done so much more. God will work in this world no matter what. But, what could he do if your choices weren't holding him back?

There are struggles I have that I am so use to having that I don't always see the point in surrendering them. The more I let God in the more I will move. In His perfect love & wisdom, he never forces His will upon us. True love gives you a choice. 

I read this today and got sad because I don't want to make choices that block God from working in my life. The choices can never stop Him from loving me, but I can miss out on what God has in store for me which is always so much better than anything I could have planned. Am I choosing a life of self will or God's will?

There is always room to grow. I share this today to encourage you to invite God into those places. I imagine Jesus "amazed at their unbelief" because he knows all he could do. What could Jesus do in your life if you completely surrendered to him?

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
C S Lewis

Sanctuary 9/31

Sanctuary September 31st

Speaker: Eric "BZ" Botelho

 

We wrapped up our women's series on the woman who gave birth to our Savior... Mother Mary.

"When God is going to do something wonderful, He or She always starts with a hardship; when God is going to do something amazing; He or She starts with an impossibility." Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

Isn't that terrible news. The hardship you are facing in your life may be how God is calling you to Himself. The thing that is absoultly impossible to do on your own is when He gets the chance to really show up in your life. Time and time again the Lord is showing himself through walking me through painful things, fears, and challenges... not by answering my prayers with an easy way out.

Sometimes we just have to do what we don't want to do. As those of us in AA know, opposite action is what saves us. We do something different to get different results in life.

At Sanctuary we spent a night looking at Mother Mary. Imagine being Mary. 15 years old, a woman (also known as property in those days) and an angel comes to you and says you are going to give birth to the Son of God. Her response was one of trust and love, "May this be True"  see Luke 1:38 She was a virgin, and in those days if you were pregnant out of wedlock they would stone you to death (not the good kind).

I love the way our Lord works. In the people the world would expect the least. Mary is young and literally has no rights, but this is the woman God used to bring us Jesus. When she said yes to God, things got worse. She had to leave everything and flee to Egypt. God doesn't call us to this perfectly secure Christian life, that is an idea from the culture of how things should be. The path God takes us down often times is filled with trials and challenges. These are the things that TRANSFORM us and help us TRANSFORM the world.

 

She choose God's will over what would be the easy way. She had a choice.
When Mary said yes she risked everything. The best things in life will always involve risk and sacrifice. Anything that matters requires you taking a risk.

 

We could learn alot from this humble girl. God speaks in unlikely ways. 

 

 

She said yes- Why do we say no? What is holding you back from saying yes to God and the adventure he wants to take you onFear, Selfishness, other people's opinions of you... What is it? Ask yourself. When God takes your life it will never be the same. 

 

When we open up our lives to got he never just pours blessings on us so we are happy. He makes us a blessing to others. In this sick and twisted world we get to become apart of bringing God's kingdom to earth. 

 

 

Rich Mullins said it perfectly when he said, "I don’t believe that God chose you, and blessed you so that you could heap those blessings up upon yourself. I believe God chose you, and you, and you, and every one of you others because He wants to make a difference in this world. And you know what? what I think is scary about God is He didn’t come up with any ‘Plan B.’ That He left the Church here, and the Church is the only group of people, and the Church is the only institution in the world that can bring about a change. This government cannot do it, so stop depending on the government. Educational systems cannot do it, so stop trusting educational systems. The Church was chosen by God to make a difference."

 

 

So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too.1 Peter 4:1

There is a cost. BUT it costs you way more to not listen to the voice that calls you beloved. He is our father who is actually trustworthy (a far cry from what most of us know). We are going to suffer on this Earth, but the suffering we face from following Jesus always produces something beautiful within us and for those around us.

 

We have endless distractions... It is so easy to ignore the call. God can do a lot through your life. I constantly get close to giving up. It is not easy, but each time I do the thing that scares me I find God a little more. God is bigger than our fears and challenges.



As Bz said, the crazy thing about God is that he would have loved Mary just the same if she said no. His love NEVER depends on what we do. But, she would never have got to experience the life God planed for her. That plan He has for us is better than anything we try to plan for ourselves. Mary teaches us trust above all else. She shows us how to walk with God when it doesn't make sense. The effect of her life ripples on today.

Lord, make us a community of people who say yes to you even when things are dark. Help us overcome our fears that hold us back. Jesus I pray that you can make us a new community who seeks you out above all else and finds the healing and freedom that only You offer. I pray for these things in your name, amen.

What I'm reading... Book Review #2

Dancin' Toward the Dawn  

Discovering joy in the darkness of loneliness 

by: Tim Hansel 

 

Tim was Wilson's mentor and when Wilson came to speak at Sanctuary two Mondays ago he gave me one of Tim's books. I've read other work by Hansel and devoured it. It reads like a conversation with a dear friend. He has a way of motivating you like few others.

His desire for truth makes you want to seek it. He was an inspiration, and even after his death his words still inspire many. Loneliness is something I have battled my whole life. I know a lot of us do, but we tend to hide it from others. If you struggle with loneliness you have to read this book.

First of all, any book that mentions the Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan has my heart without question. BUT even if he didn't mention Brennan I would have loved this book! What makes it so powerful is his transparency. He is author and speaker and very easily could have chosen to protect an image of having it all together... but he chooses to be vulnerable instead. I felt like I was reading a private journal. He shows us how to truly connect to God in our most broken places. He will help you turn your loneliness into the very thing that draws you closer to our God. Great read. I will probably read it again in the future!

Memorable Quotes:

• "Emotions are a gift from God, given to us so we can respond to life. The problem with feelings is that you really have to feel them. You can't heal what you can't feel. As one of my defense mechanisms,I learned how to think "about" feelings rather than really feel them. The two are galaxies apart. Maybe the worst mistake we can make is to repress our feelings instead of learning how to properly express them. Perhaps without knowing it, we are cutting off God's ability to work in us." pg 41
• "Like a headlight that can only reach so far into the darkness, human love by its very nature has its limits. Our focus instead needs to be on the One who has said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life."
• We need to stop looking for certainty in order to discover truth. By its very nature, life has the capacity and propensity to change. 
• We sometimes assume that God is leading towards a prearranged goal. He may not be. What He desires most from us is obedience. Surrender to His person. Sensitivity to His presence." pg 53
• "As long as one is busy, busy, busy, he or she never has to face what is really important in life. We never have to find out who God really is. We simply follow the God we have underlined in the Bible- not the God who is, but the God we want Him to be." pg 84
• "A broken heart simply contains more room for love... We must remain "empty" in our loneliness (that is, not trying to fill it with every possible distraction), or He cannot fill us." pg 92
• "God's presence has brought peace, not certainty." pg 105
• "We want friends to do what only God can do." 154

And he quotes my favorite... Brennan...
"It had never dawned on him that the vitally important thing was to drop his ego... There is nothing the ego will not seize upon to inflate itself... That is why mature Christian prayer leads us... through loneliness and aridity, which buries egoism and leads us out of ourselves to experience God." 


Overall, this book has drawn me closer to God in times of loneliness. I am very grateful for these words that filled my soul with more of God. If this is a struggle for you these words will be like food for you very hungry soul. Thank you Wilson for this book!

nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Our writing teacher Jim frequently tells us that. That is what writing is to me… venturing out into the unknown, chasing a dream regardless of the fears inside my heart. For this class we are required to turn in 8-12 pages of writing for a book every 3 weeks. Tonight I turned in my first submission.

Let’s go back to yesterday. Yesterday I was a mess. My mind was telling me to drop the class. Seems extreme, but of course that was my thought process. That way I wouldn’t have to face the 27 students telling me my work was no good and that I have no hope of being a writer. That the words I poured my heart into had no power to make this world a better place. So naturally I cried and debated in my mind what to do.

I sent my submission to the printing company last night. When I went to pick it up today there was a note on it that read, “Your story is going to touch a lot of hearts. Can’t wait to read the rest.”  Again, tears. A little encouragement to help me conjure up to the bravery to turn it in.

This is something I’ve wanted to do for years now. But, it is so scary that I’ve always held back. I haven’t stuck with it. There is so much discipline involved with it, way more than I would have expected. But, at the beginning of the year I made a commitment to myself to write. It wasn’t for anyone else,  it was for me. When I write I find God. It’s how I worship Him. I find healing. I find peace in a way I’ve never experienced otherwise. It’s my way of processing life. I can’t live without it. 

I think we all have unique gifts and talents that are ours to explore. It will be our way of getting through the hardships and really treasuring the joy along the way. Some people find it in music, sports, whatever. For me it’s writing. We won’t start out perfect which is terrible news for a perfectionist like me. 

I will be critiqued by my whole class in 2 weeks. I have this terrible two week waiting period. I have to let go. My submission is out there. There is no going back.

It would have been so much easier to have not opened myself up to the rejection. It would have been safe and comfortable. I would avoid the potential hurt. We don’t usually choose to pursue change. 

If I did that I would have robbed myself of the chance to grow.  I would have been a lesser version of who I know God has made me to be. It doesn’t mean the other students won’t say my writing is crap. It doesn’t mean that I won’t experience rejection. It means I have a choice to let the opinions of others hold me back from creating a life I want to live or letting God’s love be enough. If everyone hates it I can find my validation in my relationship with the Lord. That is the only thing that gave me the strength as I prayerfully handed in my work ignoring my stomach ache from the nerves & the voice that was saying don't turn it in. 

We judge ourselves so much by the rejection of others. Yet, JK Rowling was rejected 12 times before Harry Potter was picked up by a publishing agency. (I am only on book 3 and havn’t seen the movies- no spoilers please!!) Imagine if she was discouraged by the first rejection, or the second… or the 7^th… Imagine if she gave up. No, she believed in herself. You have to. Your worth doesn’t come from other people thinking you are good enough.

We can’t let rejection stop us. We have to use it as a chance to make us grow into more of the people we really want to be, the people we are called to be. 

Stephen King had many rejection letters as well. He only has like what 50 best sellers? That is not the point. It's not the success I admire, but their courage to ignore the world telling them they should give up. They kept writing.

I am making a commitment to keep writing. No matter what I am told by the other students. Even if the critiques say I am terrible I will stay with it. I will learn. I will grow. I may have to start out really poorly and work really really hard to get better.

Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t sell yourself short of the life God has in store for you because of that nagging little voice that says you are not good enough. That voice is a lie. You are good enough simply because God’s love is all we need for our validation. No good opinions or bad ones changes anything about who we are. It will always be scary, but it is so much better than being comfortable.

I have two weeks of waiting. I can live with anxiety or let go and work on my writing each day.  

What do you really want to do with your life? Is fear holding you back in any way? Life is too short for that crap. 

Nothing ventured, Nothing gained.

Religon & Politics

Dear Christians,

Some days I am embarrassed to be a Christian. Please hear me out. Not because of Jesus, but because of those who say they are His people. It is easy to point out others flaws and that is not the point of what I am writing.

In light of all the recent news about going to war with Syria, we are going to be seeing a lot of people spouting off their views on facebook. That is fine, I guess? 

Anyways, I write this as someone who follows Jesus as well. My views may not be as popular in the church. That is fine. We don’t need the same political views to follow the same Lord. There are more important things to me than your political party.

I am asking you as a Christian to not post any HATEFUL remarks about people who vote different than you. God does not vote one way or another. Secretly, I believe Jesus votes as I do. I know that is crazy. (I'm joking, calm down) I know we are all humans and cannot help our crazy thoughts. But, you can help spreading the hate. If you are a Christian, please do not put out hateful messages. That is the opposite of what our Lord stands for. 

He calls us to die to ourselves and love our neighbor. Love is the most important thing, not who we vote for. I believing having your own opinion is VERY important. Yet, I think respecting others opinion is even more important. Someone is not an idiot for thinking differently than you.

I don’t know if anyone will read this or care. I just have to say something. We are living representations of Jesus Christ. No wonder people are so turned off by the church. Our reputation is bad. Let's listen to our God and STOP judging and START loving. Let's show our love in our actions. That is how this world is going to change. We are human and fall short, but if we choose to love above all else I believe people will be able to see the Lord in us no matter how broken we are.

Your words are very powerful. You are bringing love or hate into this world. Be careful about what you are choosing to say. I hope you know I am not judging you. I mess up all the time. I am just afraid of people being pushed away from Jesus so I feel like I had to write something.

Thank you!

Let these quotes challenge you:

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” - Brennan Manning

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." -Voltaire

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” - Martin Luther King Jr. 

To my friends who are not Christians,

Please forgive us for constantly falling short of our call. We let our way get in the way of what God truly wants. We are not supposed to be known as hateful people. We are supposed to be the most accepting people in the world. Don’t let our shortcomings block you off from Christ. No Christian is ever perfect, only God. You are loved by God no matter what!!!