Coming Home

There are few things I despise as much as coming home from a trip. I usually get a little bit cranky on the way home. Last year on the way home from Lake Shasta one of my best friends said something like “I love how you get so cranky just because you want to stay here.” I started laughing and was surprised she knew me so well.
 

I just got home from camp with Young Life. After a week of tears, giggling, love, opening up, and watching transformation begin coming home feels so mundane. I am bored. I am having a hard time transitioning back.When you are removed from your circumstances God is giving you a very unique gift. You might not realize it as it is happening, but God is allowing you to see things differently. To realize things aren’t so black and white. When you go to a different state you see how completely different their truth is. Which makes you wonder what is even truth anyways. Leaving Orange County I am free from the bondage of make up and the pressures to be prettier. I get to go away and be me. I got to live life with good friends and wonderful girls. My eyes are open to God’s heart. He helped me see life more of how He sees it. 

He is constantly calling us home to Him. We are too busy. We have ministry to do, friends to entertain, tv shows to get caught up with. We waste our days ignoring our Creator trying to be someone we think we should be. Be still. Come Home. Home is not so much a place as it is being your true self with God. The interesting thing about the Christian journey is how much of it has to do with us. Jesus is crazy about us. He wants to be our Everything. He desires to really live life with us. He wants to set us free from the lies of this world. 

When you choose to really walk with Him you are constantly being transformed and remade. This is not some overnight process. We need to be awake to the God who interrupts our perfectly planned days. Do not ignore his love. Do not sell yourself short. Do not settle with the sin that fills your life. You are worth so much more than that. You are of infinite value to your Creator. God is trying to get your attention. Stop and listen. Do not let the things around you distract you.

There is one thing I am absolutely sure of. God is always speaking to us. Maybe it is just not how we expect Him to speak. Maybe it is like trying to hear your friend whisper in a loud room. This world is loud and noisy, constantly drowning out the Voice of God. Listen to Him speak through your friends, your bible, music, or just sitting still in nature. God is a lot closer to us than we think and His love will never leave you. Are you listening to Him today? What does He want to say to you?  Get off the computer or your phone and go be with your God. He loves you more than anybody else and I promise you is worth your time.

the pain that just won't go away

Last night was bad. I have vices- my healthy vices & unhealthy ones. I used every healthy vice I know-  90s movies, counting crows, painting, baking, cooking, and sitting around in weird clothes (overalls.) I even considered cleaning. Nothing would help. Sometimes the sadness comes and it just won’t leave me. I can’t explain it & I don’t think you’d understand unless you deal with that, the leftovers from the past. The mess doesn’t just go away with time; it’s a part of you. Part of me finds comfort in that because it means the things that hurt me matter. The other part of me just wants the pain to go away.

After finding no comfort in my vices I did something revolutionary. Something I’ve been told for years in the church & in the program……. I thought of someone else more than myself. I took my pain and thought of others who shared that pain. I offered them my freshly baked cookie bars & gormet mac n cheese. I finally felt relief.

I know sometimes the pain just doesn’t pass. I don’t think God is ignoring my prayers. I think He is teaching me to face things. This world is a painful place. It is full of beauty and kindness- but there is also heartbreak you can't ignore. I think God was trying to tell me how much my wounds matter to Him. There is no easy out. When I show others compassion I get a glimpse of how God sees me. I have this serious problem with simply trusting God’s love. When I love others I can see it in action.

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
It covers everything.

I hate the idea that this Christian walk is a pain free journey of smiles and sunshine. Being a follower of Jesus means looking at things how He does and letting your heart break at times. His Love will ALWAYS be bigger than the things that break our hearts. To be compassionate means feeling the pain of others. Your pain will make you care about things others ignore. Love will drive you. You will care about the wounds of others. That is exactly what Jesus does for us.

Every time I get overwhelmed by the darkness I end up finding God there. His light always guides me back Home. It always draws me to prayer, journaling, my bible. All my pain finds meaning and purpose in Him. I find relief. Everything isn't magical and perfect. God is no genie. But is something so much better than that. His love is better than anything that this world has to offer. I find comfort knowing how much I am loved by God. He adores me. I am writing this to tell you He adores you too. Your pain matters so much to Him and no matter how alone you feel YOU ARE NOT. That is the biggest lie our heads could ever tell us. 

When we find God in our darkness we can go and enter the darkness that overwhelms others. We get to share the message of a Love that saves. No matter what you are battling it matters so much to God. He loves you in this moment no matter how broken you are. You always have a HOME with Him. You are never alone, you are his beloved.

Your pain is valid. It matters. It is so human to avoid it, but if we do that we may miss the treasure hidden in it. Face your demons with your God. You, my friend, are here for a unique reason, to help people only you can help. The world needs you to not give up.

You are LOVED more than you could ever imagine. I'm still not exactly sure how to cope, how to deal with pain that won't go away. BUT I do know what Jesus says is the most important thing is the thing that sets us free...

One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the debate. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

 Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord.  And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:28-30

And it all can start with a prayer...

heart

When I got to work this past Tuesday Ian (8 year old boy I nanny) was extremely excited to see me. This is unusual. He is in the phase where he plays it cool & pretends he doesn’t like me. At least I hope he’s pretending. This Tuesday there was no pretending. He had a huge smile on his face. He got me one of those adapters that hook up your IPOD to play music in the car. When I say he got it for me what I mean is that he stole it from his parents. This is the second one he has stolen because the first one didn’t work. The kid is persistent. 

He is so cute. He had clearly been waiting all weekend to show me. How thoughtful is this… He is 8!!! We went out to my car so he could set it up & test it out.

It jammed. Not just jammed, broke my radio all together. Immediately he turned to me with puppy dog eyes. It was obvious he felt terrible. So, I said,

“Ian, it’s ok, I know you were trying to do something kind for me. I am not upset at all.”

Jesus gives us a call to become like little children. Little ones frequently mess up, but they know they are loved. I felt a peace wash over me as I realized Jesus says the same thing to me. I have one more week of Young Life club. This is my first year as team leader. It has been filled with mistakes.

“Megan, It’s ok, I know you were trying to do something kind for me. I am not upset at all.”

I love the story of the widow’s offering in Mark 12. It brings to life this truth I am writing about.

Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins.

 Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.”

Mark 12:41-44

Jesus is more concerned with our heart than what we are doing or giving. He wants our actions to flow out of our heart, not to be about appearances. He loves a genuine person. Children believe you when you love a gift they give, no matter how small. It is adults who are haunted by the feeling of not being good enough. Jesus always measures by the heart. It is the world is concerned with numbers & results.

What is your offering? 

Maybe you are a great listener. You discredit your gift because our culture puts so much pressure on things being a big deal & noticeable. Those things only matter if they draw attention. We rarely value the hidden, simple things. We secretly are craving human approval instead of God’s approval. So no one notices your gift and your heart. Maybe you feel unimportant. Maybe you feel like your gift doesn’t matter unless you get the applause. Before you know it you are living for others instead of God. (As Beth Moore would say, is this too honest? Is this just me?)

Yet Jesus is filled with joy as you listen to one of His hurting children who just need to be heard & know they are not alone. Your gifts are powerful. My gifts are powerful. But, if we get caught up in comparison or people pleasing we may rob ourselves and others of the light, healing, beauty, and truth that lives inside of each of us. God created you & I know He made each of us this way. You can’t say you don’t have it. Maybe you haven’t discovered your “offering” but it is there. He can use you in a way He can use no one else.

Learn to live like a child. Trust that your Father is overwhelmed with joy when you give what you feel like is a little when you give it with all of your heart. Rely on grace. Be brave like an 8 year old. Give. Here is your permission to make mistakes. The only true mistake we make is living in fear & not being who we really are. Don’t let fear hold you back from your offerings. What is your gift?

This past year in trying to live out my offering I have faced lots of trials & insecurities. There is this beautiful passage in one of Brennan’s books, and I have clung to it on some of my most challenging days where I just wanted to give up. The book is called: A glimpse of Jesus, Stranger to self-hatred. This passage is a letter one of his friends challenged him with…

"Do you ever reflect upon the fact that Jesus feels proud of you? Proud that you accepted the faith which he offered you? Proud that after he chose you, you chose him for a friend and Lord? Proud that you haven’t given up? Proud that you believe in him enough to try again and again? Proud that you trust that he can help you? Do you ever think that Jesus appreciates you for wanting him, for wanting to say no to so many things that would separate you from him? Do you ever think that Jesus is grateful to you for pausing to smile and comfort one of his children who has a great need to see a smile, to feel a touch? Do you ever think of Jesus being grateful to you for learning more about him so that you can speak to others more deeply and truly about him? Do you ever think that Jesus can be angry or disappointed in you for not believing that he has forgiven you totally? 

Jesus said, “I do not call you servants, but friends…” Therefore, there is the possibility of every feeling and emotion which can exist between friends to exist here and now between Jesus and you."

(obviously can't get off pintrest, i will regret this when I work at 7am tomorrow)

Book Review: In the Name of Jesus

I am always reading. It is one of my favorite things to do. I wanted to put on my blog some of the books I read & my thoughts on them. I just re-read "In the name of Jesus" by Henri Nouwen. WHAT A GEM! So much wisdom is packed into this tiny book. His raw honesty is so easy to connect to. He talks about the struggles and temptations in leadership. 

He brings us back to the heart of ministry- Jesus asking Peter 3 times: "Do you love Me?" and then telling him to feed His sheep. He reminds us to stay in this love of God. He is so transparent about the temptations in ministry to try to control rather than love, be relevant instead of vulnerable, and to be self-serving instead of serving the Lord. 

I could read this book once a month & not get sick of it. It is probably my favorite book I've ever read on leadership. It is very real. He talks about the hopes of leadership yet the reality of how our brokenness gets in the way.

He talks about the need for us to be disciplined to listen to that soft, gentle, and loving voice of God in our very loud world.

The reason Henri's writing is so powerful is because he is so honest. He is a very humble man, and that is why the Lord is able to use Him is such amazing ways. His humility amazes me. He knows he is too broken but that all He has to do is simply show up and Jesus will do the rest. 

What a powerful testimony to how God can use us NO MATTER WHAT! No matter who we are or what we are currently struggling with. Henri always struggled but never gave up because he knew the Love that would never give up on him.  :)


Highlights from the book:

• "The great message that we have to carry, as ministers of God's word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life." Pg 30
  
• "Are you in love with Jesus? Perhaps another way of putting the question would be: Do you know the incarnate God? In our world of loneliness and despair, there is an enormous need for men and woman who know the heart of God, a heart that forgives, cares, reaches out and wants to heal. In that heart there is no suspicion, no vindictiveness, no resentment, and not a tinge of hatred. It is a heart that wants only to give love and receive love in response. It is a heart that suffers immensely because it sees the magnitude of human pain and the great resistance to trusting the heart of God who wants to offer consolation and hope." Pg 37-38
  
• "I have found over and over again how hard it is to be truly faithful to Jesus when I am alone. I need my brothers or sister to pray with me, to speak with me about the spiritual task at hand, and to challenge me to stay pure in mind,heart, and body. But far more importantly, it is Jesus who heals; not I; Jesus who speaks words of truth; not I; Jesus who is Lord; not I. This is very clearly made visible when we proclaim the redeeming power of God together. Indeed, whenever we minister together, it is easier for people to recognize that we do not come in our own name, but in the name of the Lord Jesus who sent us." Pg 58-59
  
• "Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life.
  We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God." Pg 61-62
  
• "The task of the future Christian leaders is not to make a little contribution to the soltuion of the pains and tribulations of their time, but to identify and announce the ways in which Jesus is leading God's people out of slavery, through the desert to a new land of freedom." Pg 87

2013 so far (reminders)

You know that feeling you get right before January? The excitement you feel as you try to decide on a resolution. Or for me resolutions. I think New Years brings to light the fact that we are all dying to be made new. Well this past year I shared at Sanctuary about how I believe this is exactly what Jesus offers us every day.

I wanted to cancel New Years Resolutions in order to create New Year Reminders. I mean I don't know how long of a tradition the whole resolutions thing is... but seriously, how defeating. Let's end that whole thing. Resolutions seem to demand perfection. Like ok now I work out and eat vegetables.. I mean it's May, are you still at the gym every day? 

On the other hand, I don't know what makes me think I have the power to cancel this tradition. I'm a crazy person.

There's a reason I'm writing this. I believe in reminders not resolutions. Maybe I'm getting hung up on words, possible. I over think things.

Well anyways, I like the concepts of reminders. I need to be reminded each day of how loved I am by God. I really do forget. I get distracted and before you know it I am doing things my way again, talking about God but not really walking with Him. Running around like a little monster trying to control things. I needed to be reminded of His truths again and again.

I wrote a list of reminders and I have them taped next to my bed so I can see them every morning when I wake up. There are a few quotes (one tree hill quotes of course... judge me, it's inspiring) And instead of a ton of resolutions I never kept, I have reminders. Because I know I fail. But as Brennan says, failure can't be an excuse to quit trying. I love that Jesus is so concerned with the conditions of our hearts. I love that he never gets sick of me & that He promises to never give up on me. I am a work in progress to put it a nicely. A mess. His love never gives up. I love that I'm not stuck with me- my craziness, my dysfunction. I have someone who can fix the broken parts of me.

Despite a lot of difficulty 2013 has been one of the best years of my life because of God. I wish I could put into words all that has happened. I feel free for the first time and my life. After so much of God's healing in my life forgiveness is finally a reality for me. God keeps showing up in my life as I keep showing up asking Him to work in it. Parts of me that I didn't think would ever heal are healing. I have been very intentional with my reminders & I'm in awe of what God has done.

It is amazing what He can do with the little we give Him. If you are reading this I ask you to remember that feeling you have January 1st. You know it is a chance to start over. You know it can be whatever you want it to be. Jesus is asking us to come to Him, now exactly where we are in life, with all our flaws & all our brokenness. I love that. We come to God as we are. No need to play pretend with Him, we can be our real self. He loves us with all our mixed motives and ugly parts we hope no one can see. He works with us patiently in our lives. His love will heal you. (That is one of my reminders.) Let Him heal you and guide you in the rest of this year. Each day is a chance to be new. Jesus thank You for giving us that. 


What do you need healing from? 
What are you running to that keeps you from God? Let's give up these vices that are cheap imitations of God's love.   
What are the crazy things your head tells you? What are the lies that run your life, that feeling of not being good enough that haunts you. Maybe feeling unwanted.
Or maybe there is something you really want to do that fear always holds you back from. A dream you have but you never take the action with it. 

Today can be the day where you become new again. It won't be easy, but nothing that is worth it is. God promises to never leave us & His love is a patient love that will never give up on you. Trust Him & things will change. 

“For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self.” Thomas Merton

& Maybe the only reason you read this was to be reminded that God really does love you exactly as you are. (I need to hear that one a lot) 

throwing stones

Today I was reading this new book. It is rare that I branch out from my beloved authors. BUT I was feeling brave today. 

I started reading this book about youth ministry. As a young life leader this obviously interests me. I thought some of the ideas were obvious. The rest of what I read was refreshing and brought me back to the heart of what I do. I was really enjoying it.

Then I see he started to mention Young Life. I was so excited..... I thought they were going to say how we practice what he was talking about because I felt like we were on the same page. My heart was in line with everything he had previously said. The book quickly began bashing Young Life as a whole. (This is why I don't branch out... Henri or Brennan would never do this.)

Well I was enraged because I love my kids and OF COURSE I want them to know Jesus. No brainer. The book was implying otherwise. It used words like never. (I added in the margin not true ha, oh I showed him.)

I prayed and said God is this true of Young Life. Show me the truth. What would make this man write this? I knew he was wrong, but wanted to bring it before God to see if there was any truth to what he said. 

You can't label every leader in a huge organization. It's easy to throw stones from afar. It was heart breaking for me to read and very discouraging. That someone is writing a book to connect me & my kids to Jesus- yet, discrediting the ministry I'm involved with. WHAT?! I know he has a good heart & probably didn't realize how potentially harmful his words could be, but it totally bummed me out.

BUT I do this too. I'm just as guilty. I judge those super-churches and label them as I see them. There is denominations I'm not a fan of. How terrible. I have no problem making fun of them. 

We are on the same team people. It may look different. At the end of the day though we all want to love God & love people then why does it matter what church you go to. Jesus is all that matters & He speaks to us in different ways. I realized my little remarks could hurt someone who was truly trying to serve the Lord by labeling a church. You can never judge a person by such a huge organization. We are not God, we do not know people's hearts & are called not to judge. That is up to God. Each church and ministry has amazing people and people who are ... uhhh... not so amazing because it's life & it's messy. It is not black and white. We live in the gray.

As Christians we should be working together not tearing each other down. I was really sad to read this in my book, but even more sad to know I do it too. I'm apart of the problem. 

I'm sure we all have people we just think are wrong. (Other religions, politics, whatever it may be). It's human nature. I challenge you to look beyond the labels and see the hearts. 

Let's be careful with our words. Let's use our words & lives to bring unity in the church & our communities. Let us realize how quickly our words can bring disunity. You can't take back the things you say. Let's use our words to build each other up instead of tearing others down.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? 

Any comfort from his love? 

Any fellowship together in the Spirit? 

Are your hearts tender and compassionate?   

Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 

Philippians 2:1-2