rejection

About a month ago I submitted my first short story to the literary magazine at Saddleback. About two weeks ago I received my first rejection letter. 

I thought I had prepared myself for that e-mail. I was aware that writing fiction is new for me. And I have this terrible problem with switching tenses. (You can ask my writing class all about it.) But, I edited this story over and over looking for the flaws I am prone to. One thing that really sucked was on my last edit I created a typo while changing something. This went unnoticed until after I submitted my story.

Dana Stabenow said, "To be a writer is to embrace rejection as a way of life." And F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "Work like hell! I had 122 rejection slips before I sold a story."

There are many encouraging words you can find where other writers tell you the terrible reality of how much rejection you will face. (They can all be found on Pintrest.) Those words are comforting yet they don't prepare you for the sting when you hear your work isn't good enough. My writing teacher Jim talks about how our stories are our babies. We don't see any warts or flaws. While other people can look at them and see what is wrong. Now, I don't know what flaws were found in this story. Probably the tense shifts, damn it. There was no way I could send that pathetic e-mail... what's wrong with it? Because maybe nothing is wrong with it. Maybe it is just an opinion. 

In class I've had plenty of horrific critiques and ones that surprised me when someone told me they loved my chapter. For my writing they have been extremely helpful, but the secret is neither response could fix or destroy me. We will only find what we're looking for when we can find it in ourselves.

Writing tends to teach me everything I need to know about life. 

1. Rejection is not fatal. The only thing that is fatal is not trying.

2. What other people think about me doesn't matter. What does matter is writing because I love to write. As Jim says, the joy isn't in getting published but in the writing itself. 

3. Rule 62: Don't take yourself so seriously. 

I am able to laugh at myself, at the many mistakes I made in my time traveling story, and the self pity and despair I sunk into over one little email. I also know how to bake. Which comes in handy in those kind of situations. It's impossible to be too upset while eating Blondie brownie bars. 

Tonight I was backing up a lot of old things I wrote and I found a document called why i want to write from November 2012. It starts off like this...
"Because the first time I really fell in love wasn’t with a boy, but a book."
(Which isn't even true I think I just liked how it sounded.) And it only gets cheesier as my little essay goes on. But it reminded me why I write. Not because I want to be published. I write because I love to read. I love to write. There have been authors I have never met who's words got me through some dark days. All I want is to spread some light. 

Maybe my prose sucks. My syntax might be totally off. But, that's okay. We all start somewhere. As Anne Lamott says, we all write a shitty first draft and go from there. Keep writing. Keep doing what ever it is that you love EVEN if you are TERRIBLE at it. Because there aren't enough people doing what they love. Life is too short to be miserable. Rejection is a part of life, but it doesn't define who you are. You get to do that. 

After a few hours of self pity I remembered I could pray. I could ask God to show me what He thinks of me. I could stop focusing on myself. I also went to InNOut. There was definitely a lot of comfort eating going on, but next rejection I'll try a little more prayer. I reminded myself it wasn't the end of the world. If JK Rowling got rejected with Harry Potter 12 times, I would be insane to expect to escape it. ;) Once the hurt passed I was finally able to trust the authors and poets who have gone before me. "You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance." Ray Bradbury

In all of this I got a chance to decide if I would need others to tell me I am good enough. Or could I give myself the approval. We waste our days caring too much about what others think. Or maybe I am horrible. BUT if I keep writing I know I will get better. Either way the message I got is this: don't give up.

You may read this post and find some comas that are out of place. I don't care. I'm a work in progress. For now, I will write because I love to write. That's a good enough reason for me. 

Also, I was lucky enough to hear Jia speak at the story line conference... I will attempt to sum up his story... Experienced painful rejection with his dream and wanted to give up. In an attempt to desensitize himself to rejection he tried what he calls, "Rejection Theraphy." He tried to set himself up to experience rejection everyday for 100 days by asking people to let him do crazy things(or do things for him). The great part is most people said YES. That includes driving a cop car, sleeping in a mattress store, and so many other funny things. Check out his website, he is HILARIOUS. http://www.fearbuster.com/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/

Storyline (1)

Waking up today was rough. The past 2.5 days I’ve been at the storyline conference where I’ve been waking up to ragamuffin coffee. (Seriously, ragamuffin coffee. I thought I was in heaven. Now I'm back home drinking the cancer causing Keurig.) The days were filled with the greatest speakers and rad community. I want to go back! Post-Storyline Depression is a serious illness and I need treatment.

This year I wanted to take a trip alone. I've been doing New Years reminders the past two years. Different than resolutions in that I know I screw up a lot and that reminders might work a little better.  It's a whole other story really.

Last year I taped my NY reminders next to my bed and thought about them often. In January it’s easy to be intentional about who it is you want to be. How often is it all forgotten by February.

This year my theme is dependence on God. There are a handful of different things I want to try. On my list there are small things like saying “no” more often. I want to stop caring about what others think and have my gaze fixed on God. There are also bigger things like that trip by myself. 

It’s easy to say we love and follow God and then keep doing our own thing. Or to care more about what others think than what He thinks. We can squeeze God into our lives. But I don't think that's what He's asking. I think He wants to become our lives, not just a small part of them. 

I wanted to challenge that broken part of my mind that was still approval seeking and spend the year seeking God's approval. I asked God to remove that character defect.

We don’t get to ask God to do things in our life and then just sit there. It’s annoying, but I’ve found our choices and taking action are more important to our spiritual life than anything else. We don’t sit in a room and pray and wait for some angel to show up. We go out and experience. Trust God. Ask him to remove these broken parts in us and then act in faith like He has. 

All that to say, I signed up for the Storyline Conference put on by Donald Miller. The speakers were many who I adored. Anne Lamott, Bob Goff, Jon Acuff, Don himself. The speakers I didn't know quickly became new favorites.

So I got on yelp, found the cheapest motel I could find, and booked my stay.(hindsight is 20/20- don't go for the cheapest motel)

The trip was easily one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. The first night where I stayed by myself was absolutely terrifying. I almost drove home. Isn't that what we do? Give up as soon as things get a little scary. (I’ll write more about my stay at the lovely point loma inm on another post.)

Storyline taught me that we owe it to ourselves and the world to live a better story. That doesn’t happen by sitting at home daydreaming. It happens by living. Let’s be honest. We spend a lot more time thinking about the people we want to be than doing things that gets us there. Because unfortunately, as Anne Lamott said at the conference, the freedom comes from the discipline.

It takes work. We have got to get rid of the mentality that life and the things we want should be easy. A good story is never easy. It's just boring. There has to be a cost. 

We are each a different story and what we do each day is filling up the pages. Would any one follow along all seven books of Harry Potter if there was nothing to overcome? Harry Potter walked up to Voldemort and stabbed him. He died. The end. That is not a story I want to read!

Maybe the challenges you are facing right now are the very things that will shape your life into a book that people want to read. Your courage, strength, and faith will show them that they too can start living a different story. That's what stories do. They change us.

There’s many different things that get in the way. I’m going to be writing about them and you can follow along and maybe together we can start changing our stories. Maybe fear, laziness, and business won’t determine what the pages say anymore.

It begins with being intentional. Figure out what you really want and go after it. Life was not meant for us to live a boring story. There is someone who needs you to tell a different tale. Let your sobriety, your desire for healing, the way you break the cycle of dysfunction in your family be what tells someone else they can do the same.Let your art inspire someone to pick up a paintbrush. The secret is we are all afraid. The ones who do great things learn to ignore the fear and go after their dreams anyway.

If you’re quiet enough maybe you can hear God asking… What do you want? What story do you want to live? Are you happy with the character you are becoming?

The conference was insane and I want to share as much of it as I can here so hopefully you can get a little of what I’ve experienced. If this kind of stuff is what you are about go to the Storyline Blog

More than anything I hope this post is a reminder that your story matters & is one that the world needs to hear.