rejection

About a month ago I submitted my first short story to the literary magazine at Saddleback. About two weeks ago I received my first rejection letter. 

I thought I had prepared myself for that e-mail. I was aware that writing fiction is new for me. And I have this terrible problem with switching tenses. (You can ask my writing class all about it.) But, I edited this story over and over looking for the flaws I am prone to. One thing that really sucked was on my last edit I created a typo while changing something. This went unnoticed until after I submitted my story.

Dana Stabenow said, "To be a writer is to embrace rejection as a way of life." And F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "Work like hell! I had 122 rejection slips before I sold a story."

There are many encouraging words you can find where other writers tell you the terrible reality of how much rejection you will face. (They can all be found on Pintrest.) Those words are comforting yet they don't prepare you for the sting when you hear your work isn't good enough. My writing teacher Jim talks about how our stories are our babies. We don't see any warts or flaws. While other people can look at them and see what is wrong. Now, I don't know what flaws were found in this story. Probably the tense shifts, damn it. There was no way I could send that pathetic e-mail... what's wrong with it? Because maybe nothing is wrong with it. Maybe it is just an opinion. 

In class I've had plenty of horrific critiques and ones that surprised me when someone told me they loved my chapter. For my writing they have been extremely helpful, but the secret is neither response could fix or destroy me. We will only find what we're looking for when we can find it in ourselves.

Writing tends to teach me everything I need to know about life. 

1. Rejection is not fatal. The only thing that is fatal is not trying.

2. What other people think about me doesn't matter. What does matter is writing because I love to write. As Jim says, the joy isn't in getting published but in the writing itself. 

3. Rule 62: Don't take yourself so seriously. 

I am able to laugh at myself, at the many mistakes I made in my time traveling story, and the self pity and despair I sunk into over one little email. I also know how to bake. Which comes in handy in those kind of situations. It's impossible to be too upset while eating Blondie brownie bars. 

Tonight I was backing up a lot of old things I wrote and I found a document called why i want to write from November 2012. It starts off like this...
"Because the first time I really fell in love wasn’t with a boy, but a book."
(Which isn't even true I think I just liked how it sounded.) And it only gets cheesier as my little essay goes on. But it reminded me why I write. Not because I want to be published. I write because I love to read. I love to write. There have been authors I have never met who's words got me through some dark days. All I want is to spread some light. 

Maybe my prose sucks. My syntax might be totally off. But, that's okay. We all start somewhere. As Anne Lamott says, we all write a shitty first draft and go from there. Keep writing. Keep doing what ever it is that you love EVEN if you are TERRIBLE at it. Because there aren't enough people doing what they love. Life is too short to be miserable. Rejection is a part of life, but it doesn't define who you are. You get to do that. 

After a few hours of self pity I remembered I could pray. I could ask God to show me what He thinks of me. I could stop focusing on myself. I also went to InNOut. There was definitely a lot of comfort eating going on, but next rejection I'll try a little more prayer. I reminded myself it wasn't the end of the world. If JK Rowling got rejected with Harry Potter 12 times, I would be insane to expect to escape it. ;) Once the hurt passed I was finally able to trust the authors and poets who have gone before me. "You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance." Ray Bradbury

In all of this I got a chance to decide if I would need others to tell me I am good enough. Or could I give myself the approval. We waste our days caring too much about what others think. Or maybe I am horrible. BUT if I keep writing I know I will get better. Either way the message I got is this: don't give up.

You may read this post and find some comas that are out of place. I don't care. I'm a work in progress. For now, I will write because I love to write. That's a good enough reason for me. 

Also, I was lucky enough to hear Jia speak at the story line conference... I will attempt to sum up his story... Experienced painful rejection with his dream and wanted to give up. In an attempt to desensitize himself to rejection he tried what he calls, "Rejection Theraphy." He tried to set himself up to experience rejection everyday for 100 days by asking people to let him do crazy things(or do things for him). The great part is most people said YES. That includes driving a cop car, sleeping in a mattress store, and so many other funny things. Check out his website, he is HILARIOUS. http://www.fearbuster.com/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/