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Today I found out Brennan Manning went Home this weekend. I was camping with new friends so obviously I was still trying to disguise my craziness. "Act normal". So  when I heard about his passing I didn't want to lose it. But, I couldn't help but cry. And every time I thought I was done the tears kept coming. It was one of those moments that truly was bitter sweet. One would think by my tears or the multiple condolences I received from friends who had heard of the news that I actually did know him.

Heartbreaking. I'm going to New Jersey in a month, and I really thought I was somehow going to meet this hero of mine.

But what really made me cry was thinking about the beautiful moment this man was finally Home with our Father in Heaven. My heart filled with overwhelming joy to think of Brennan running into his Abba’s arms. He had faced so much hardship in his life, and despite it all stayed faithful to Jesus and his ministry. No matter how many times he failed he ran back to God and clung to that grace he was so grateful to share with us. I can’t imagine after all of it to be finally be with Jesus and hear him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I am so happy for him. I know what it feels like to struggle with self-hate and all your brokenness and want so badly to serve the Lord but you keep getting in the way. He finally gets to hear what he’d been longing to hear all these years. He finally is home. No more pain. I know how hard it is to stay with God in this broken world of ours. And he did it. He fought the good fight and finished the race. 

I will always love this man. Our backgrounds and struggles are similar, almost identical. He taught me that it doesn't matter how broken you are, you are never beyond the reach of God’s love… EVER.  As Brennan would simply say,
“God loves you as you are, not as you should be, because none of us are as we should be.” He showed me I can do it. Jesus is for me – that even though all the odds may be against me with my circumstances, that the love of the Father is bigger than all those things.

The Ragamuffin Gospel brought me to a turning point in my life. It taught me the meaning of grace and how to trust my Father. He is a part of the reason I want to write.  I've always been drawn to it, but he showed me it matters. One person can make a difference for Jesus. He guided me to my Abba’s arms, a place that is now my home. He showed me the path. He always pointed back to God truly boasting in the cross alone, not his own glory. I love this man. I want to write because of how powerful our words are. This man I never met had a profound effect on my life. Showing me God’s love & helping me overcome my own battle with self hate. Some of us find ourselves in these book, some of us are raised by authors. They mean everything to us. On those days when I felt so alone he gave me the encouragement I needed to hang on to Jesus. No matter what.

And I am so happy he's finally home. I can't imagine that moment in heaven with all the angels rejoicing. Jesus crying, along with Brennan. The moment the lost is truly found. We have an amazing God and last night I was trying to think of blog names and I was thinking ragamuffin ramblings. Now that I've found out the news I'm going to do that. Because this man taught me that we are all ragamuffins unconditionally loved by the father and I will forever be grateful. Brennan would have never been able to reach so many of us if it wasn’t for what Jesus did on the cross. Rest in peace sweet Brennan. I can't wait to meet you one day in Heaven. Thank you for all you did for me with your words and for being faithful to Jesus no matter what it cost you. You inspired me to think I can do the same thing.

I don’t know where to begin with writing. I want to say something that helps someone, but I guess I can only do what the authors I admire have done. Write about what God has done in my life and hope & pray that it moves you to reach out to the God of infinite compassion and love.

“Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the Kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors. No evil can resist grace forever.”BM